Potty training can be a sprint through hell, with scars to prove it. Or it can be a respectful stroll to success. Learn how I potty train respectfully.

Using a toilet is such a mundane and thoughtless process for adults. But if we took audit of the number of steps in the process from start to finish, it’s quite a bit. It’s mundane only because we’ve had lots of experience with it. Which is exactly what your child needs to learn how to use the potty… scaffolding of skills and experience. Potty training is a marathon not the sprint most wish it to be.

Your Potty Training Mindset

While we’re on the topic, if you wish it to be a sprint, the first thing that needs to change is your mindset. If you are dreading the idea of teaching your child this life skill, let’s work on your mindset. There are many things in parenting that we passively accept as infallible fact. We can be closed off to the possibility that certain parenting experiences can be positive because we often hear about them in negative ways. Sleep, potty training and feeding are a few that come to mind. These are examples where we give ourselves too much credit and accordingly, too much responsibility for biological processes that we can merely influence but not dictate.

How You Potty Train is More Important than When

Your child WILL be potty trained. The energy and emotions around the process is highly influenced by you as the parent. It WILL happen… whether it will be a positive experience or not is up to you and highly influenced by your mindset and how you potty train.

See this as an opportunity to tackle something challenging WITH your child. I liken it to an older version of my child wanting to learn how to play baseball with zero experience. It will take alot of practice, alot of misses, alot of frustration but when your child gets on that field for their first game and knocks it out of the park, they will remember that YOU helped them get there.

Your young child needs the same from you with potty training. During this process, she will have misses, frustrations and how you respond will teach her alot about herself and her emotions. At this very young age they are building neuronal connections around these experiences and emotions. So treat her like you would if she were 10 years old and wanting to learn baseball. Be respectful, be patient, give clear and consistent instructions and lots of opportunity for practice. When she succeeds, let her be proud of herself, let her start building that attachment of moving through challenges WITH you in a positive way. How you potty train is arguably more impactful than the eventual skill. You decide whether you want to sprint through hell with scars to prove it or take a leisurely stroll to success in potty training.

When Do I Start Potty Training?

I start to train my child as soon as she is independently and confidently able to walk. This is usually around 1 years old. At this point a set up a “half bath” in the closet in their room. This includes a simple child size potty with a lid on a waterproof mat, a small roll of toilet paper and that’s it!

What I want to achieve here is a sense of familiarity. When we try to do all the potty training things at once it overwhelms a young child. My first step is to eliminate any anxiety about the potty by just leaving it in their room for their own, independent exploration at a very young age.

The Impact of Play in Potty Training

As toddlers go about their lives, they will often incorporate what they see others do into their play. The same is true for potty training. They see mom and dad using the bathroom and with their own little potty in their room, they will begin to explore it in ways that they see others do. I want to be clear that at this point there is ZERO expectation of actually potty training. Any attempt to use the potty at this point is all play.

Potty Training Books We Love

At this time I add books about using the potty into our reading rotation. Some of our favorite books about potty training have been:

• Big Girl/Boy Panties https://a.co/d/11KlIgz
• Potty https://a.co/d/1tDoQO9
• Time to Pee https://a.co/d/2XPf0hn
• Potty Time by DK https://a.co/d/7Jq3RV2
• The Potty Book for Boys/Girls https://a.co/d/7Jq3RV2

My kids still love these books even though they’ve been potty trained for years at this point. When they’re around 18 months old, which is when most will say toddlers are biologically able to potty train, we buy basic thin underwear that allows them to really feel wet. Thick potty training underwear may save you on some mess but it can emulate a diaper and wick away the moisture. We want the child to know undoubtedly when they are wet.

Scaffolding Skills in Potty Training

This is when I offer opportunities to sit on the potty with the intention of actually peeing in the potty. You can set yourself up for success by making sure that they are well hydrated. My kids love coconut water, so I offered it up freely during that time. This gives us lots of opportunities for practice. We spend lots of time in their room, close to the potty just doing regular activities.

During this time, when I need to pee, I will stop and say…

I do this because what seems to be the biggest hurdle is the child recognizing the urge to pee which is the necessary precursor to making it to the potty on time. It’s about teaching them how to listen to their bodies.

When the inevitable happens (wet underwear, wet floors) I say…

There is no shame, no punishment. At this point your child is fully aware of the concept of using the potty, so when she has an accident it is simply because she forgot. This is an entirely new process and therefore completely understandable that she will forget. The above response empathizes with forgetfulness. I use “we” in my response because I want them to know we are in this together. I treat potty training like what it is…a new process that they need time to learn.

Should I use rewards for potty training? Do Rewards Work?

Rewarding a toddler for peeing in a potty really doesn’t sound so bad. NOT rewarding a toddler for a potty miss, is really where the problem lies. Even with all the good intent their bodies can muster, all kids will have accidents as they begin to learn about listening to their bodies. To not reward them when they have a miss implies that this was something they should have been able to do, that they did something wrong. I would liken it to rewarding a baby for walking but not rewarding if they tumbled along the way. Each attempt at any skill is valid, necessary and part of the process. Rewards for biological processes in itself seems flawed but I get it, you want to get your kid over this hurdle.

How Can I Motivate My Child Without Rewards?

I’m certain you’ve heard of natural consequences. Have you heard of natural rewards? With regards to potty training, I have always found my kids to be particularly motivated by the events that follow a successful catch in the potty.

I hope my experience potty training my kids has left you with atleast one gem that can make the process less daunting for you. Start by preparing yourself and adjusting your mindset. See this as an opportunity to teach your kids that they can do hard things, work through problems and build skills over time.

Comment below and let us know what your experience has been with potty training!